Wednesday, March 9, 2011

My Brain Only Has Two Settings

One of the main issues I have as an incredibly intelligent human being is that I tend to either think way too much about things or not think about them at all. For instance, I've been known to sit agonizing over whether or not to spend 30 bucks (that I actually had) on a video game. Bear in mind that, as a 21 year old college student whose campus is 30 minutes away from home, about 98% of all my bills are payed by my parents and the money I have can be spent on pretty much anything I want. But still, I try to weigh all the pros and cons out in my head, thinking about how much I really NEED this game, the fact that no one really NEEDS a video game, what else I could spend that money on, the worry that I'll find something later costing the same amount that I'd like to have more...

I'm gonna need about a hundred of these.

It goes on and on like that.

But ask me what I think about world hunger? Nothing. It doesn't really affect me at all, if it did there wouldn't be anything I could do about it, and I have virtually no power to affect that problem anyway. So I don't think about it, and the fact that other people think about it so much is really odd to me.
This is not to say that I don't care about other people, I just picked that issue cause it was the first one that came into my head. But see, I'm doing it again! As soon as I finished that last paragraph, I immediately started thinking about what people would think if they thought I didn't care about starving kids, and the insane chain reaction that could occur (as unlikely as it is that the Internet would revolt against me, that's what I pictured).

What's worse is I feel like the set of things that I think a lot about is the set of things that everyone else manages to not think about at all. I'm trying to puzzle out what I should do in a relationship, and all I see around me is people just making a decision and moving on, easy peasy. People are having deep, philosophical discussions in the cafeteria (I go to a liberal arts college, don't ask), and all I'm thinking is "Meaning of life seems like it would be subjective happiness. Done. I wonder if the ice cream machine is working?"

I think my brain rationalizes by only devoting thinking time to things that I can conceivably find real answers to. I mean, I could sit under a tree thinking for 20 years and never find a satisfactory answer to the meaning of human existence. But whether or not I want the new Pokemon game? THAT I know how to figure out. I just wish I didn't have to devote all my brainpower to issues like that sometimes.

Cause frankly, I'm pretty sure Pokemon doesn't deserve all my brain power. After all, I'm gonna need at least 2 hours to figure out what I want for breakfast.

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